The Story Too Cool To Have A Title
by Demolition
Summary: AKA: I couldn't think of a good one. This story is about how Sanzo and crew wind up in our timeworld and make life much more interesting for a Saiyuki fangirl. Chapter 4 is finally up!
1. If Looks Could Kill

The Story Too Cool To Have A Title

By Demolition

Chapter 1 – If Looks Could Kill

A/N: I do not own Saiyuki in any way, shape, or form, no matter how much I am tempted to lie and say I do. Please be kind and rewind… I mean review…

Charlie: Riiiight…

Demolition: Don't you have something to do?

Charlie: You of all people should know that I don't.

Demolition: … Shut up.

------

"Shit, she's tough!" Goku stated needlessly, pushing himself back up with the help of his staff. His normally orderly clothes were ripped and dirtied. His brown hair was matted with sweat and dust.

"Well, then I guess we'd better tenderize her!" Gojyo replied, whipping his weapon around and launching himself at his foe. Sanzo groaned, putting a hand to his forehead. Vivid violet eyes watched the half-breed fly through the air, signature red hair waving behind him like a flag.

"Is it just me, or did that line sound extra cheesy?" The priest remarked coldly, flipping out the barrel of his weapon of choice – the Banishing Gun – to reload the bullets. Next to Sanzo, Hakkai chuckled as he released a ball of chi.

"No, you're right. It is more cheesy than usual," Hakkai replied, smiling cheerfully as he deterred an attacking tentacle. The injured tentacle retracted as a squeal of pain emitted from its source.

"You bastards!" A cute little girl shouted, tears in her large, baby blue eyes. She cuddled the hurt tentacle, cooing comfortingly. Standing only four feet and some odd inches tall, even Goku towered over her. The girl looked no older than twelve with her cute and curly blond pig-tails tied up with pink ribbon. She wore a fluffy, frilly, and otherwise lacy dress of pink and white hues. The ugly greenish black tentacles seemed to sprout from her back. As the girl cradled the wounded tentacle, the four males regrouped and the other tentacles rushed to comfort their fallen comrade. Sanzo and gang stared in a mixture of confusion and disgust.

"Is she serious?" Goku asked, an eyebrow arched over a golden hued eye. The girl, who must have heard the monkey's comment, looked up sharply, hatred burning in her eyes. If looks could kill…

"Jesus, watch where you're going," someone muttered angrily, shoving past an equally angry girl. Loaded with books, the girl stumbled forward, trying to keep all the books in her arms. She remained silent, hazel eyes glinting coldly behind blood-red-framed glasses. One of the more noticeable features of this girl was her weight. Pudgy, chubby, flabby, and otherwise overweight, the girl wore loose, baggy blue jeans, a black t-shirt that must have been a bit too tight because she wore a baggy zip-up hoodie, also black. The hoodie was only zipped up about a fourth of the way, leaving the red and white words "Anime Freak" exposed to the world. Her shoulder-length dishwater blond hair was pulled up into pig-tails today, making the girl look peppier than she felt.

"Hey, Kate!" Someone called. The girl looked up and smiled, spotting her two fashion-savvy friends, Matt and Eric.

"Hey guys," She replied as she arrived at her locker. She shifted the books in her arms in order to free a hand to twist out the combination of locker.

"Kate, you'll never guess what Matt did today in Chemistry," Eric exclaimed excitedly.

"Did he have another emotional breakdown?" Kate replied, pulling the locker door open. Matt grinned sheepishly, leaning against the next locker over. Eric nodded energetically, giggling girlishly.

"Yeah," The two replied simultaneously.

"So," Kate questioned, swapping the books in her arms for the ones in her locker, "What did you break this time? A pencil? Your glasses? A desk?" She grinned, closing her locker and leaning against it, books clutched to her chest. Matt and Eric exchanged a surprised look.

"Yeah," Eric breathed.

"How'd you know?" Matt asked, eyes wide in awe. Kate blinked, surprised herself. But she quickly recovered from her confused state to take advantage of the situation.

"Matt, I know more than you could even dream of," Kate said mysteriously, "I've got sources everywhere…" She made a strange gesture before quickly trotting away.

'Those two always make me feel better,' Kate commented to herself, grinning. While wondering exactly how Matt had managed to break a desk, Kate failed to see the preppy and popular Brittany stop to chat in front of her.

Books clattered to the floor, papers flying every-which-way. Pens dive-bombed, exploding upon impact, the caps launching at the feet of passersby. Utter chaos as both girls lost their balance. Kate landed unceremoniously on her face. Tears already stung her hazel eyes. Brittany looked gorgeous even as she fell backwards, landing roughly on her rump. An indignant look spread across the fair face of the popular girl.

"Oh, I am so sorry," Kate started, hurriedly rising to her knees and gathering her books, embarrassment radiating from every pore on her face.

"Well, you should be, bitch," Brittany retorted, letting a swooning jock pull her to her feet while another picked up her books. Kate's eyes narrowed as she pushed herself to her feet.

"Fuck that, I'm _not_ sorry," Kate muttered under her breath.

"What was that, looser?" Brittany demanded, shoving the stack of books back towards their holder as he offered them.

"You heard me, you pathetic excuse for a human being," is what Kate wanted to say, but, damn her passive personality, she merely glared. If looks could kill…

"Oh, I'm quite serious, ya bastard," The tentacle girl replied, the healthy extensions flailing angrily.

"Dude, what the hell's your problem?" Goku retorted, taking a 'battle' stance.

"Fuck Kougaji's orders!" The girl screamed, her tentacles lashing out at Sanzo and company.

"See? I told you she wasn't just some random demon!" Hakkai grinned at a sour-looking Gojyo.

"I'll see you all in hell!" The girl shouted, producing a scroll and unfurling it, eyes ablaze.

"Sanzo, what the hell is that?" Hakkai questioned, his stance swiftly switching from 'attack' to 'defense'.

"You ask me like I know," Sanzo replied, cocking his gun and taking aim.

"I asked you a question, bitch," Brittany repeated. Kate sought desperately for the courage to reply, but found nothing of the sort. Turning tail, Kate fled to the safety of her last class of the day.

Forty-five minutes of unintelligible Spanish blather later, Kate exited the class and made her bee-line for her locker. Normally, she would have had to stay for eighth period, but she'd managed to mooch a ride off of someone with a car.

"I've got math, Japanese, Physics, and Spanish for homework," Kate muttered to herself, standing in front of her open locker, empty book bag at her feet. "The question is, which ones am I really going to do over the weekend?" A few more moments of silent pondering rewarded the empty bag with a Japanese book, a pink notebook, a blue-covered physics book, a physics notebook with no cover, and a graphing calculator covered in small, cute animal stickers.

"C'mon, Kate, I want to go home!" A femme voice called from the end of the hallway. Kate closed both her book bag and her locker and smiled at her underclassman friend.

"Sorry, Meghan, I'm coming!" She flung her navy book back over her shoulder and trotted off after Meghan.

"Thanks for the ride, Meg," Kate said, stepping out of the car. "I'll just walk from here," Megan smiled.

"Heh, I was going to make you walk,"

"I figured as much," Kate replied, backing away. Meghan pulled into her garage as Kate took off down the sidewalk.

The young demoness began chanting something, glaring at Sanzo and party. The air became heavy and the wind picked up. Goku looked over at Sanzo, silently asking what he should do. Sanzo replied with a look of his own. If looks could kill…

"I hope you jerks like heat, because it's going to be scorching where I'm sending you!" The girl's chanting had ended – bodiless voices picked up where she left off.

"Oh, we've won a free trip!" Gojyo exclaimed excitedly.

"To where, may I ask?" Hakkai grinned, looking at his foe expectantly.

"Oh, you've won the trip of a lifetime," The girl growled, "I'm sending you to Hell!" Sanzo pressed down on the trigger as a bright flash of light blinded him and his companions. The chanting had been getting steadily louder, but had now abruptly stopped as the light dazzled the optical senses. An odd sensation came over the four males. It felt as if their innards were being pulled out in all directions. A rippling sensation moved over their skin, and their hair stood on end.

What the hell was going on?

The wind picked up and began whipping Kate's pigtails around. With a grunt, Kate grabbed her pigtails and roughly held them down, preventing them from attacking her face. Her pace quickened as the wind raged.

'How odd…' Kate thought, stumbling as a rather strong gust of wind blew past. A flash of lightning danced across the darkened sky, blinding the girl for a few moments.

The sensations became quite painful as another flash of light replaced the fading original. Sanzo searched the bright expanse for the demon girl, gun cocked and ready. The sensations subsided; the light faded fast. Catching sight of an odd, yet humanoid form, Sanzo directed his comrade's attention towards the form. Weapons whipped around to point at the form. The light dimmed, various hued eyes blinked in surprise. Sanzo's gun, Gojyo's scythe, Goku's staff, and Hakkai's ball of energy were all pressed against pudgy, pale skin.

"What the hell?" Gojyo muttered, retracting his weapon and staring at the pigtailed girl in confusion.

"Holy shit!" The girl breathed, eyes wide behind her glasses.

"Holy shit is right," Hakkai agreed, letting his chi fade away. Goku pulled back his staff and leaned on it, frowning.

"I'm hungry…" He stated poking his stomach. Sanzo had yet to withdraw his gun from the girl's forehead.

"Where the hell are we?" He asked, keeping his gun in place.


	2. Life Is Like A Badly Written Fan Fiction

The Story Too Cool To Have A Title

By Demolition

Chapter 2 – Life Is Like a Badly Written Fan Fiction

A/N: I don't own Saiyuki in any way, shape, or form. Man, this disclaimer really gets to me… Shows me just how little I really am in this world…

Charlie: No… It's too easy…

Demolition: …Sometimes, I hate you.

Charlie: Just sometimes?

------

"Heatherstone Road…" The girl replied, eyes roaming from face to face to the gun pressed against her skin and back again. "Who are you?" She asked hesitantly, her voice both excited and fearful.

"A better question is who are you?" Sanzo replied coldly. Hakkai stooped down and ripped the girl's back pack from her back, making her arms bend painfully.

"Hey! Watch it!" The girl squealed, rubbing her shoulder.

"Sorry," Hakkai apologized before opening the navy bag and pulling out its contents.

"Hey! That's my bag! Keep out!" The girl shouted indignantly. About to say more, a sharp push of the gun still resting in her forehead shut her up.

"I'm not going to ask again," Sanzo hissed, "Who are you?"

"Katelyn Joy Aidan Waterloo," The girl replied, glaring. "And, if I'm not mistaken, you're Genjo Sanzo. The guy rudely going through my personal belongings is Cho Hakkai, and the red-head is Sha Gojyo. The one eating a pine cone is Son Goku. And I'm not a demon, so get your banishing gun off of my forehead," Catching the group of guard, Sanzo's hold on his gun faltered. Hakkai dropped the physics book he had pulled out. Gojyo chocked on the smoke from his freshly lit cigarette. Goku continued happily chewing on a pine cone.

"Who the hell are you?" Sanzo asked in amazement.

"Oh, for God sakes, just call me Kate," the girl replied, swatting Sanzo's gun away.

"How do you know who we are?" Gojyo asked, astonished. Kate shook her head, seeming to come to a realization.

"I don't know how Brittany discovered what my favorite show was, nor how she managed to find such talented actors and authentic weapons on such short notice," Kate said, leaving the thought unfinished. The pudgy girl looked quite pleased with her cleverness at being able to figure this out.

"Who the hell is Brittany?" Sanzo demanded, threatening with his gun again.

"That's an odd codename for Kougaji…" Gojyo muttered to Hakkai, who nodded in agreement.

"Give it up," Kate replied, grabbing the gun out of Sanzo's hand. "Cut the crap. You don't have to keep up the act."

"Watch it with my gun, kid," Sanzo warned, making an angry grab for it while mentally kicking his own ass for letting his guard down for one measly second.

"Oh, come on! It's just a bunch of blanks," Kate retorted, holding the gun just out of Sanzo's reach.

"No, it's not. Give it back," Sanzo growled, making another grab for his gun.

"Would you please just drop the act? The gun is full of blanks. I'll prove it, too," Kate said, whipping the gun away from Sanzo and aiming it at a tree across the house-lined street.

"Don't do it, kid!" Sanzo warned.

"I would advise against it," Hakkai agreed, grinning at the situation.

"Jesus Christ, Brittany must be paying you well!" Kate sighed. With a frown, she steadied her hand and pulled the trigger.

Nothing.

Blinking, Kate pulled the gun closer to her face. Inspecting it closely, she found what the problem was. She fiddled with a little switch before returning the gun to its prior position.

"Safety was on," Kate explained, grinning sheepishly at the guys over her shoulder. She took careful aim and pulled the trigger, again.

The tree disintegrated. Kate blinked in awe and surprise, the gun now hanging limply from her hand. Smirk on his face, Sanzo reached out and plucked the gun from Kate's chubby hand. Kate stared blankly at the priest for a few moments before turning back to stare at the spot the tree had been. Sanzo inspected his gun closely, obviously looking for evidence of tampering.

"There is no safety on my gun," Sanzo commented coolly, shining the barrel with his sleeve. Kate grinned sheepishly, rubbing the back of her neck.

"So…" Kate started, "I guess you guys are the real deal…" She rocked back and forth on her heels, hands clasped behind her back.

"Sure are," Gojyo replied, puffing on his cigarette and inspecting his surroundings. These houses were much better looking than anything he'd seen in Shangri'La. Interesting colors, interesting shapes, interesting everything.

"Right," Kate said, drawing the group's attention back to her, "Then, how'd you get here?" She inquired.

"Beats me," Sanzo retorted, still playing with his precious gun.

"Whatcha gonna do now?" Kate queried, now rocking from heel to toe.

"Well, since we obviously have no idea about anything in this place, I propose we stay with you," Hakkai suggested. Kate stopped rocking. She gazed upon Hakkai with tears in her eyes.

"I propose… you," was all that Kate had gathered from that last bit. She threw herself at Hakkai, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Oh, I accept! I accept, my beloved!" Kate cried, much to the surprise of Hakkai (and the amusement of the other three men).

"O-okay…?" Hakkai, for once, seemed to be at a loss for words. Kate released her grip and stared starry-eyed up at Hakkai.

"So, where's my ring?" She asked expectantly, holding out her hand.

"Ring? What ring?" Hakkai replied, looking to Sanzo and Gojyo for help. Goku was really no use, as he had found a berry-bearing tree.

"My engagement ring, you silly goose," Kate prompted, hand still outstretched. Hakkai took a swift step back, suddenly realizing what was going on. Gojyo snorted in laughter and Sanzo even cracked a smile. Well, it was more of a smirk, I suppose.

"Engagement ring?" Hakkai repeated. "Um, I'm sure you're a nice girl and all, but I'm just not ready for that sort of commitment," Kate's hand fell to her side, though her facial expression did not change. As the outstretched hand fell, the other hand pulled back and slapped the human-turned-demon hard across the face. Caught off guard by the weirdness of the situation, Hakkai blinked, rubbing his raw cheek carefully.

"Well, if you weren't ready for this level of commitment, you shouldn't have proposed! Jerk!" Kate scolded. "I am, for the record, a very nice girl." Hakkai shook his head.

"I never proposed to you," The demon replied defensively.

"Then why the hell did you say 'I propose to you'?" The girl demanded, hands on her hips, seemingly towering over the poor demon.

"I said, 'I propose we stay with you,'" Hakkai clarified, glaring at Gojyo, who was on the ground, clutching his sides, laughing his ass off. Kate blinked, looking down at her feet as a blush of embarrassment spread across her face.

"Whoops," She muttered in apology, "My bad,"

"Your bad, indeed," Sanzo stated, finally putting his gun away. "So, show us where we'll be staying," He commanded, kicking Gojyo in the side to force the halfling up.

"Just so we get things straight," Kate said, not moving, "No one can know who you really are. You can't act like you usually do. This world is a hell of a lot different from yours, and there aren't many who'll believe your story,"

"That's rather cliché," Hakkai commented softly.

"Damn right it is," replied Kate, motioning for them to follow her as she made her way to her house. "It's like my life has turned into some badly written fanfic."

"Does your house have food?" Goku asked, "'Cause I'm starving!" Goku trotted along right behind the girl.

"Yeah, but there's not much, so you can't eat a lot," She answered, leading the group across the front lawn while snatching her back pack back from Hakkai, who had returned all that he had taken out.

"Awww…" Goku whined, pouting. A light, computerized tune began playing, startling the group.

"Calm down, it's just my cell phone," Kate said soothingly, giving Sanzo a look as the priest's hand had found a grip on his gun. Kate dug around in the various pockets of her book bag as the music repeated itself. Finally, she pulled out a small, silver flip-phone, with a little charm of Itsuki Naoya from Aquarian Age Juvenile Orion dangling from the retractable antenna.

"What's a cell phone?" Gojyo asked Hakkai, who shrugged.

"Aw, crap, it's my mom," Kate grumbled, flipping the phone open. "You guys need to be quiet, okay?" Silent nods from the four males showed her that they understood. She brought the phone to her ear, pressing a button as she went.

"Hello? … Hey, mom, … I was sitting outside. … Yeah, just sitting, … Was I? … Oh. Sorry, I totally forgot. … Oh, right. … Forgot about that, too, yeah. … So, when will you be home? … Not until eight? When's Dad going to be home? … Not until nine! Why so late? … We're going where for a week? … Why? … Well, yeah, but- … Oh. … Okay. … Bye. … Love you, too." She flipped the phone closed, a frown on her face.

"What's wrong?" Hakkai asked, watching as Kate pocketed the phone and produced a set of keys. She said nothing as she roughly shoved the house key into the lock, viciously turning both key and door handle and throwing the door open.

"Nothing," Kate finally replied, kicking her shoes off and plodding up the stairs. "Close the door and follow me," She commanded from the top of the stairs. Gojyo, Goku, and Sanzo hurried up the stairs while Hakkai closed the door after removing the key from the tight grasp of the lock.

------

A/N: Oh yeah, I don't own Aquarian Age Juvenile Orion, either. And if you've never heard of it, shame on you! Go out and buy it, now.


	3. Extreme Saiyuki Makeover

The Story Too Cool To Have A Title

By Demolition

Chapter 3 – Extreme Saiyuki Makeover

A/N: I don't own Saiyuki in any way, shape, or form. But I do own their new outfits! w00t!

Charlie: You are just strange.

Demolition: And you're not?

Charlie: ...

**To GensomadenGirl:** Heh, yeah, that would help. And I call myself a fangirl... has always called them a staff and a scythe thinggy I am ashamed. ;;

**To MechaPotato:** Thanks! Yay for compliments! Yeah, I know. I meant to go back and fix that switch, but I got lazy. Which happens a lot. Let's see if I can't get around to it sometime in the next millenium.

**To MechaPotato (again):** Yay! More compliments! I shall keep going, if only for you! I'LL NEVER LET GO, JACK! ... >> Um, sorry.

**To Cid the Stampede:** MINE! steals the Sanzo party away from Cid Oh, trust me, Kate knows how lucky she is... points below AH! steals the Tsukasa and Tomono keychains MINE! >: D

------

So there they stood. The four hottest men in the anime world (according to Kate). Standing there. In a line. In her room. The urge to poke them – just to see if they were really real – was almost overwhelming. She reached a pudgy finger out and poked Gojyo in the chest.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" The halfling demanded, swatting Kate's hand away. She smiled and said nothing in reply to that particular question.

"You can't go around looking the way you do," Kate began, opening her closet.

"Why not?" Goku asked, looking down at his clothes.

"Because no one else dresses that way. And the last thing we need is for you to be thrown in jail or a psychiatric hospital," Kate replied, going through all the clothes that hung limply from wire hangers.

"So what do you propose we do? Walk around in our underwear?" Sanzo commented sarcastically. A perverted grin spread across Kate's chubby features.

"You're more than welcome to," she replied, imagining the Sanzo party in her room. In their underwear. In the buff. A glazed look swept over her eyes and her tongue lolled out the side of her mouth. Irritated by such behavior, Sanzo whipped out his fan.

"OW!" Kate shouted, rubbing her head.

"Get on with it," Sanzo commanded, obviously frustrated with the situation.

"Okay, fine. Since you're so impatient, I'll do you first," Kate replied haughtily, plucking a few items of clothing from her closet and shoving them at the priest.

Sanzo pushed the door open, an expression sourer than usual on his face. Instead of his creamy white priestly robes, he was dressed in black slacks, secured by a thin black belt and a bright, bubble-gum pink button down top. His three companions stared, mouths hanging open. Kate bit her bottom lip, eyes roving over Sanzo's body.

"Here," She said finally, grabbing Sanzo's arm and rolling up the sickeningly pink sleeve to Sanzo's elbow. The same thing was done to the other arm. Kate stepped back to admire her handy work. "Well, you look... cute…" She commented casually. Sanzo looking 'cute' sent the other three men over the edge. Gojyo was on the floor (again), clutching his sides and writhing in silent laughter. Hakkai chuckled quietly to himself. Goku simply pointed and laughed.

"Bastards…" Sanzo hissed, fan already in hand.

"Where the hell do you keep that thing?" Kate asked, rubbing her head after being slapped.

"Any money he keeps it up his ass," Gojyo replied, glaring at Sanzo, who's fan had attacked the red-head.

"No wonder he's always so grumpy!" Goku exclaimed. He was promptly rewarded with yet another thwap! of Sanzo's fan. Before Sanso injured anyone else, the yet unhurt Hakkai raised his hand.

"I'll go next," He offered. Kate grinned and shoved him into her room, closing the door behind her.

A good long while later, the door was flung open, exposing Hakkai in all his newly clothed glory. Kate hung off of him, looking like she was part of the ensemble. Hakkai wore clay colored pants, held up by a braided brown belt, and a white t-shirt with the words "Seirk Orthodontics" scrawled across the front in blue and green with the business's logo right above. Kate twirled her finger and Hakkai turned to show the words on the back. "Tales 709" was printed in bold, blue font, reminiscent of a sports jersey.

"What does 'Tales' mean?" Gojyo asked, raising an eyebrow.

"It's my nickname," Kate answered, "Just like 'Pervy Water-sprite' is yours." She grinned, grabbed Goku by the collar, and dragged him into the room.

"How the hell did she know my nickname?" Gojyo breathed. It took him a moment to get over the initial shock of being called a pervy water-sprite by someone other than Goku. "Hey…!" He said indignantly to the closed door.

"Took you long enough," Sanzo sighed, rolling his violet eyes. Grunts from behind the door drew the company's attention.

"C'mon, just slip it on," Kate's voice pleaded. Grunts signaled a struggle.

"Ow! Watch where you shove that thing!" Goku's childish voice returned.

"Hey, I'm not the one trying to shove things where they're not wanted," Kate retorted.

"The hell you aren't!" Goku said exasperatedly. The companyon the other side of the doorexchanged looks.

"If you let me, this would be much more pleasurable for the both of us," Came Kate's voice after some more grunting.

"I can do this myself. You just sit there and let me," Goku panted.

"No, you're doing it all wrong," Kate's now exhausted voice sounded through the door. "Don't move your hips like that. It'll hurt you – and me!"

"What the hell are they doing in there?" Gojyo asked, dirty thoughts clouding his mind.

"Fine. Then you do whatever the hell you want. I'm just going to lay here." Goku relinquished whatever power he may have had to Kate.

"Just don't go limp on me," She sighed. More grunts, groans, and moans followed, leaving little to the imagination of Gojyo, Hakkai, and Sanzo. The noise reached a peak, then all was quiet for a time. The door creaked open slowly, a disgruntled-looking Goku and a disappointed Kate stood in the doorway. Kate's jacket had been removed, and her shirt was out of place. Her jeans hung off her meaty hips at an odd angle. Goku looked rather sharp in orange Capri's and a tight black tank top. He tugged at the shirt, smoothing it across his chest.

"What exactly went on in there?" Gojyo inquired, trying to shake the naked image of Goku from his mind.

"Goku was having some trouble getting dressed. Why?" Kate asked, her mind not currently occupying the gutter (which was unusual).

"Riiiight…" Gojyo drawled, grinning. "And I suppose he had a little trouble getting his clothes off…"

"What? Oh – Gojyo!" You dirty minded bastard!" Kate scolded in realization. "Get those sex scenes out of your head! Jack off on your own freakin' time!"

"I knew you were dirty, but I didn't know how much!" Goku cringed, trying to cover his chest from Gojyo's crimson gaze.

"Well, since Goku didn't live up to your expectations, wanna try me on for size?" Gojyo offered, swinging his hips suggestively. Kate, her mind now firmly buried beneath several wet, dirty layers of leaves in a soggy and clogged gutter, grinned and pounced on the halfling, throwing him into her room with a playful growl. The door slammed behind them.

"Strip!" Kate commanded from behind the door.

"You got it, babe," Gojyo answered, his voice low and sultry. A moment of silence.

"Wait, we need some music for this," Kate halted Gojyo's sexy stripping. _Bow chika bow bwaoh…_ went the bass after a CD was thrown hurriedly into the CD player. The slow, sexy beat filled the room and spilled into the hallway.

"And he calls me dirty…" Goku commented dryly.

A while later, the door swung open and Kate dashed out, flinging herself down the stairs with a wild grin on her face. Gojyo leaned against the open door, dressed in nothing but his pants and a sly smile.

"Where'd she go?" Goku asked, "Did you scare her away?" Gojyo reached out a hand and slapped the monkey. Kate hurled herself up the stairs, sliding into Goku as she turned to enter her room.

"Whoops, sorry," She said quickly, flashing a smile. She turned to Gojyo, who grinned.

"You ready?" He asked. Kate waved a handful of one dollar bills around.

"Hell. Yeah." She replied, pouncing on Gojyo and shoving a dollar down his pants. The door slammed shut again. Wild whoops of joy sounded over the now blaring music.

"I wonder what she's got to eat," Goku said, gazing idly at the still closed door. It had been ages since any of them had heard any sort of noise from within the room (besides the oh-so annoying _bow chika bow bwaoh_ of the slow, sexy music). Hakkai had taken to exploring the rest of the upstairs. Sanzo had committed himself to reading an interesting book he'd found in Kate's book bag. Goku was bored out of his mind – and starving, too.

"Well, you aren't going to find out until Kate decides to feed us," Sanzo said, turning the page.

"Awww…!" Goku whined, writhing on the floor in hunger. He suddenly sprang to his feet and pounded on Kate's door.

"Are you sure you want to know what they're doing?" Sanzo asked, not looking up from his book. Goku stopped pounding, eyes wide in horror as his mind raced through all the things that might be going on in that room. As he stared, terrified, at the door, the door swung open.

"Yes?" Kate asked, crossing her arms over her chest. "Did you need something?

"Ummm…" Goku peered around his chubby host, wanting to see what Gojyo was up to. Gojyo sat on a purple beanbag, flipping through a sketchbook. He was fully clothed in dark blue jeans and a black t-shirt that read 'I'm not weird, I'm gifted' in red and white lettering.

"Yes?" Kate prompted.

"I'm hungry," Was all Goku could come up with. Not that it was an excuse, but if it had been, it would have been very lame.

"Oh. Okay," Kate replied. Without batting an eye, she retrieved the sketchbook from Gojyo's grasp, took Goku by the hand and led him down the stairs to the kitchen. Dazed, Gojyo followed, wanting to look at the drawings some more.

"Now that you mention it, I'm rather hungry as well," Hakkai said to no one in particular as he placed a trinket back on the shelf it had come from.

"We'd better go eat, then," Sanzo sighed, closing his book. Hakkai pulled Sanzo to his feet and the pair headed down to the kitchen.


	4. The Magic Box of Warm Food

The Story Too Cool To Have A Title

By Demolition

Chapter 4 – The Magic Box of Warm Food

A/N: This is really just a reminder, as you should know that I don't own Saiyuki in any way, shape, or form.

Charlie: What is up with that chapter title?

Demolition: Read the chapter to find out!

Charlie: You ran out of good ideas, didn't you?  
Demolition: Shhhh…! Don't let the readers know!

------

Kate pulled the fridge door open, letting the cool air spill out onto Goku's eager face. The smile that usually rested there lost its luster and fell into a frown.

"This is all?" Goku asked dejectedly.

"Yup." Kate replied, reaching for an apple. "And you can't eat a lot, otherwise I'll get in trouble," She warned, peeling the sticker off of the apple's bright green skin.

"The whole thing won't even fill me up!" Goku exclaimed, staring at the meager amount of food available.

"Well, you'll just have to deal with it. That is, until I figure out something better," Kate replied, tossing Hakkai a yogurt and directing him to the spoons.

"D'ya got any beer?" Gojyo inquired, flipping through the sketchbook that had been tossed on the kitchen table.

"Yeah, but I'm not giving any to you," Kate answered. Gojyo let out a groan and Sanzo grunted in annoyance.

"Well, what do you have to drink?" Sanzo asked, seating himself at the table.

"Um… Mountain Dew, Code Red, Raspberry Brisk, Diet Pepsi, and Cherry Coke. And water, milk, and cold coffee, of course." Kate replied with a nod. "I suppose I could make some tea or hot chocolate, if you like," She added as an afterthought.

"Heat up a cup of coffee for me," Sanzo commanded. "Black, with a spoonful of honey."

"That's an odd addition," Kate remarked, careful to choose a cup that read 'World's Greatest Mother' with an addition of 'Fucker' on a piece of masking tape that had somehow eluded the censorship of her parents. She poured a cup of coffee and placed it in the microwave.

"What the hell? A cabinet isn't going to heat up my coffee," Sanzo snapped.

"It's not a cabinet, it's a microwave. It heats things up, much like a fire, but without all the fuss of smoke and ashes," Kate explained with a frown, thinking that she sounded like a salesman. Saleswoman, actually. She set the microwave and went about trying to find the honey. "There are a lot of new technologies that you don't have any experience with." The microwave beeped just as Kate found the honey. She stirred a spoonful of honey in and handed the cup to Sanzo. She dusted her hands off and leaned against the island in the center of the kitchen.

"Can I have that?" Goku asked, pointing to a large package of raw hamburger.

"No! That's for dinner tonight." Kate replied after inspecting the package in question. Goku frowned and stared longingly at the meat. Kate sighed and rummaged around for a moment. She returned with a package of hot dogs.

"What are those?" Goku asked, sniffing the hot dogs delicately. "They smell pretty good."

"Hot dogs," Kate replied, setting the package down on the island as she reached for a knife to free the frozen dogs from their plastic prison. "They aren't my favorite, but then again, I'm not eating them."

"Oh? You won't be joining us for dinner?" Hakkai asked, digging his spoon into the half-eaten yogurt.

"Nope. I've got to eat with my family," Kate replied.

"And where exactly will _we_ be while you're doing that?" Sanzo asked, picking up a newspaper that was lying on the table.

"Fuck." Kate said, slapping her head after closing the microwave door, hot dogs settled safely inside.

"Already did, but maybe later," Gojyo replied, grinning and obviously thinking himself very clever.

"Crap… I hadn't even thought of that yet…" Kate said, ignoring Gojyo's comment. "You can't stay here," She continued, pacing the tiled kitchen floor. "You can't stay outside, you can't stay at a hotel…"

"Why can't we stay outside? We've camped before," Hakkai suggested, licking his spoon clean.

"I don't know if you've noticed, but we don't have a fence. And the houses are a bit close together. I think that someone would notice you, camped out in the back yard." Kate shot that idea out of the sky.

"Well, then, why can't we stay in a hotel?" Hakkai countered.

"Do you have money?" Kate asked, raising an eyebrow. "Do you have a car? Do you know how to get there? How to check in, how to pay for it, how to behave?" With each word, she became more and more frantic. By the time she was done talking, her hands were above her head, her eyes wide, and she was towering over Hakkai, a mad glint in her eyes.

"We can easily get money, and Hakaru can turn into a jeep –"

"Wait, where exactly is Hakaru?" Kate asked, interrupting Hakkai. The group looked around, seeing nothing of the little white dragon. All eyes turned on Hakkai, who grinned.

"He's right here," A scaly white nose poked out of the sash that Hakkai wore across his chest. Hakaru emerged, flailing his wings a bit and perching on Hakkai's shoulder.

"Jesus Christ…" Kate shook her head. She opened her mouth as if to say more, but apparently decided against it as she closed her mouth.

"Back to the hotel idea," Hakkai said, "We can get money, Hakaru can turn into a jeep, you can show us how to check in, we'll figure out how to pay for it, and we'll just keep to ourselves in our room and behavior won't be a problem."

"And how do you propose to get the money, pray tell?" Kate asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Like we always do," Sanzo cut in, folding the newspaper over and looking up at Kate.

"No," Kate said, pointing a finger at the priest in pink. "You are not stealing money."

"Well, how else are we supposed to get money?" Sanzo snapped, obviously not liking being told what to do.

"Hmm, I don't know, maybe there's something like, oh, say, a JOB." Kate said, sarcasm simply dripping from her voice.

"And we can all get a job, start working, and make enough money to pay for a hotel all before you and your family sit down to have a lovely meal." Sanzo hissed, eyes narrowing.

"Yes, yes, that's exactly what I expect," Kate replied, fists clenched. "I realize you just got flung from another dimension or world or time or whatever, but what you don't realize is that you're making my life hell."

"We've only been here for a few hours…" Gojyo said, "And, as I recall, your life wasn't all that bad a little while ago." He winked. Kate rolled her eyes.

"Shut up, would you?" She asked politely, giving a little grin. "I'm trying to figure out a way for you to survive the night." Her smile fell into a bitchy frown. The group was silent for a moment as Kate resumed her pacing, thinking of a solution.

"I'm hungry…" Goku reminded her, staring anxiously at the microwave door.

"Oh, for God sakes," Kate muttered under her breath. She marched over to the microwave and set the timer. Goku pressed his face up against the see-through door, drooling.

"Getting jobs isn't a bad idea, but we'll need a place to stay until we can fend for ourselves," Hakkai said.

"There is a house for sale across the street…" Kate said slowly, "Do any of you know how to pick a lock?" Everyone raised their hands. "Right, should have expected that."

"So, now we're breaking in to a house?" Gojyo asked, eyeing Goku as the monkey king greedily watched the hot dogs spin round and round in the magic box of warm food (aka microwave).

"Well, yeah, I guess. You kind of have to." Kate said, rubbing the back of her neck.

"And you said 'No' to stealing money," Sanzo shook his head disapprovingly.

"What exactly do you want from me?" Kate snapped, rounding on Sanzo.

"I want you to figure out a way for us to get home." Sanzo replied without missing a beat.

"I'll get right on that, because apparently, being from this world – dimension, time, whatever – makes me an expert on how to rip a hole in the space-time continuum and send you back to your normal life!" Kate ranted, face red with anger.

"Well, what the hell do you want me to do?" Sanzo vented, just as angry as Kate. The microwave dinged and Goku almost wet himself with delight that he could finally eat.

"I want you to just shut the fuck up!" Kate screamed, upset at Sanzo's harsh reaction. "I'm doing the best I can to help you out when I could just as easily call the cops and have you thrown in jail and not have to deal with your fucking 'bad-ass' attitude!" She was on the verge of tears now.

"The magic box of warm food stopped spinning…" Goku pointed out, oblivious to the argument that Kate and Sanzo were having.

"I want you to just get over your own fucking self for one fucking minute!" Kate rounded now on Goku, who shrank away from the raving girl.

"But… I'm starving to death…" Goku pouted, comforting himself.

"I want you to realize what I'm going to have to do to keep you alive!" Kate turned around to face those seated at the table. The group was silent as Kate sobbed quietly, staring at Sanzo with tears dripping down her face, despite the fact that she tried to hold them in.

"So, you want us to pity you." Sanzo said, his voice much calmer now.

"No, I just want you to be patient. I want you to understand that I'm not like you," Kate sniffled, picking up on Sanzo's calm and calming down herself.

"The magic box of warm food stopped spinning…" Goku tried again, sensing that his hostess was not going to bite his head off. Kate mindlessly took the hot dogs out of the microwave and set them down at the table for Goku to eat.

"Why don't we go check out that house," Hakkai suggested, watching Goku shove a whole hot dog in his mouth, squeal in surprise, spit it out, bathe his tongue in the cool air, and then do it all over again.

"Hey! I just started eating!" Goku pouted around a mouthful of hot dogs.


End file.
